drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
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I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
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Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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