Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
cat food counts as protein by the way
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
