I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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