"it" just moved
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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