Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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