Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Small penises have feelings too.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize