TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
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Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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