No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
