marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
