Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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