Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My ATM looks so different sober.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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