but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
