you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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