Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
