Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
