hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
