I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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