oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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