I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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