New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
