TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
