So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
