Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
