I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
