you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The power of my boobs compel you
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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