like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just had sex on a roof
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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