we have officially lost it.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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