All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
