ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
