she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
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He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Even my vagina gasped.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
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I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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