And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize