I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize