Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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