so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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