Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
