I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
