I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
