thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize