the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
