You work out of a Hotel?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
These tits shall not be calmed
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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