I am puke
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
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I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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