Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
