I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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