I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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