I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
