Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
