bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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