i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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