if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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