You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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