whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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