Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
