wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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