And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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