i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
