The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
