apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
