he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
